Spiritual Growth for Ordinary People
Posted by Dr. Bill Donahue in community, Group Life, Leadership on April 29, 2013
I can imagine asking a small group or team member in a church “Is spiritual growth important?” and hearing them answer, “Absolutely!” Then I would take a risk and follow that with, “Ok, but is it actually possible?” With some trepidation, most would likely say, “Yes, it’s possible.” Ok…now the defining question, the one I really want to ask. “Is spiritual growth possible for you and, if so, how is that happening now?”
Silence. Confusion. Fear. Shame. Doubt.
Welcome to “Awkward Moments in Spiritual Conversations” – the hottest new reality show.
To be clear, I believe growth is possible. And I have seen growth in my life. But not without much pain, sorrow, heartache or effort. And almost never without OTHERS!
Spiritual Growth is Intensely Communal
Church leaders remain convinced that people find hope and strength for their journey when they gather regularly with a small community for mutual support and wisdom. But it is no secret that they are seeking so much more. Inwardly they wonder whether real, lasting change is possible or if a group experience will play a role in their progress toward Christ-centered living.
I’m talking about your group and my group here. Group members are asking, “Is it possible? And if so, how does it happen? How do we know it is happening?” And for many of us in positions of leadership, “What role do group leaders play in this grand communal kingdom adventure of spiritual growth?”
Yes, publicly we are quick to declare that intentional, relational community is essential for life-change. But privately many fearfully wonder, “Can our group actually produce disciples? Can we become radically transformed human beings who are nuts about Jesus, instead of just nuts?”
Let’s be honest. We expect John Ortberg’s group to change. And we’re certain that a few weeks with Dallas Willard will take us just a few feet from the throne-room of heaven. And is there really any doubt that if we invited Richard Foster and the Renovare team to lead our group or team we would experience non-stop spiritual growth, upward and to the right, 24/7, every week of every year?
That’s what most of us believe—really. For THEM it is possible. But not for US. THEY are Transformational Titans and WE are Spiritual Slugs.
Don’t you believe it. Not for one minute. They are not super saints. (Trust me. I have seen Ortberg make a mistake, bumble in the pulpit and sweat in a staff meeting. And once I heard him say a bad word in public.)
BREAKING STORY…Ordinary Person says, “Spiritual Growth is Possible!”
All kidding aside, what attracts us to our spiritual heroes is that they are pursuing a life of devotion, seeking to make themselves available to the transforming grace of God in every part of their lives. But in this they are neither unique nor specially equipped. But they (and many others around the globe) are doing something. And it is something we can all do. It’s normal. And it is normal to need others to pursue lasting change. It is what the church is supposed to do and be.
Todd Hunter puts it this way, regarding the church and the good news it offers the world.
“We are cooperative friends with Jesus, living in creative goodness, for the sake of others, in the power of the Holy Spirit.” – Christianity Beyond Belief
Thankfully we had guides throughout the ages who have experienced this kind of life. And apart from a few mystics called to a more solitary way of prayer and life, they will all tell you that intentional group life – communal living in the way of Jesus – is a major contributor to lasting progress and permanent change.
Such change is both the opportunity and possibility for every Christ-follower. And it is the potential for every team and group in your church – to become a catalytic, change-oriented community of people in hot pursuit of a new way of life.
But it will take effort, something we “grace-focused” people think is downright heresy when it comes to all things spiritual. I am not talking about works—I am talking about effort. Go ahead…look at the phrase “make every effort” in the Bible. Peter, Paul and Jesus all use it. Why? Because they have given up on grace? No. Just the opposite – because grace makes the effort possible!
The spiritual life takes effort. We do not drift into growth or wander into deep, transforming community. Words like strive, labor and effort are not foreign to the bible, or to spiritual growth. In fact, they are essential. Look for yourself.
Dallas Willard has often remarked, “God is opposed to earning, but not to effort.” The words of the bible and saints through the ages bear this out. Effort is powered by grace. Earning is fueled by pride.
So make every effort – to persist in prayer, to work through conflict, to listen with intensity, to serve despite weakness, and to lead with diligence. In so doing you will not earn God’s favor – you already have that. But you will grow in grace, sharpen your focus and reap the rewards of faithfulness, as the scripture promises.
But whatever you do, do not do this alone. In community you will discover what real transformation looks like, for ordinary people like you and me, meeting in average small groups, led by reluctant leaders, yet fueled by the transforming grace of God and empowered by His Spirit. It is a messy process, this community thing. And it takes effort. But the Church—this ragtag group of spiritual misfits—is called to live in a community of oneness for the sake of others. And I, for one, am eager to learn more about how to enter this community with honesty, humility and skill.
I really need it. And so do you. And so do all the “spiritual giants” who have gone before us and guide us today.
Time to recognize spiritual growth is normal and not… uh … um … what’s that word… um… oh yes, …awkward!
We would like to encourage your feedback as it helps us to identify the issues that are important to you. It also helps others who are searching to develop new creative ways of leading. Thank you in advance for your comments.
Responding to People in Pain
Posted by Dr. Bill Donahue in community, Group Life, Leadership, relationships on April 18, 2013
“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
Responding to People in Pain – Transcribed
Want to talk to you today about responding to people in pain. In light of the recent events, the tragedy that has taken place around the Boston Marathon, there a lot of discussions and feelings and thoughts and emotions that people are experiencing. I happen to be attending a funeral later today for a friend’s mother and again in that situation there’s emotion and some suffering and pain and sadness as well as some joy obviously around someone’s life she lived a full life. But it makes us think about important things and I just want to address this today whether you’d lead in the marketplace or in a non-profit organization or in a ministry setting or in a non-profit organization or in a ministry setting, you’ll deal with people who have pain and you yourself will have it. So how do we respond, how do we deal with it and how do we gauge one another when we’re feeling these things?
First, I want to say pain presents an opportunity for personal growth.
Anytime we feel pain we can either medicate it or we can enter into it and process it a bit. Some of that gets processed with others, some just for ourselves, but I want you just sit and reflect on what you’re feeling and thinking about perhaps this national crisis or pain you’re experiencing in your own life. Where does it come from, what causes it, how do you talk about it and engage it? And maybe reflect on who could help you process that whether that’s a professional of some type of just a close friend. But it is an opportunity to look into our own hearts, our own souls and say, “Who is this person?” Why do I respond the way that I do? What do I do with these feelings? What do I do with these reactions? How do I do my work in the marketplace today knowing you have these feelings with me? Again, it may not be about the national tragedy it can be something in your own life that you just have to bring with you because it is with you and you can’t run from it. So we try to enter into those things. Pain gets our attention C S Lewis famously said running again more from the spiritual perspective that, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, He speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain, that it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” So it’s kind of an attention getter whether you come from that perspective in life or you don’t, maybe have a different perspective, but a psychologist, sociologist, others would agree pain is an attention getter. So what do you need to pay attention to around that emotional or physical or spiritual or other level of pain that you’re feeling?
Second, when you’re working with people who are experiencing pain and trying to engage with them remember that your presence is more important than your words.
Now wrong words can hurt, superficial words, trite words, trivial things that you say to try to medicate someone’s pain they’re not helpful. But don’t worry about trying to fix someone’s pain with your words. Your presence is what’s important. Take someone a coffee, sit with them, and attend the funeral if it’s that kind of situation. Or just simply reflect back to them say, “Sounds like this is really disturbing you this situation that’s going on right now,” and let people talk. But being present with someone is far more important than trying to know exactly how to respond or to fix or to do a number of things. So again as a leader as someone who deals with others in you’re setting recognize that sometimes it’s just even maybe a minute or two with someone, just pausing, sitting with them, letting them know you care about what’s going on in their life will go a long way.
And finally, shared pain builds teams, builds community.
When you provide an opportunity for everyone to talk about a shared pain, a national crisis, an event in the community, or someone at the workplace who has experienced a loss or a tragedy or is very ill or is maybe diagnosed with cancer, whatever, a chance to just sit and say, “Hey we all recognize this is happening we need to deal with it right now by just being present with each other and naming it and letting one another know we care.” That shared pain forms a deeper bond in any kind of place in which you work or in friendships in marriages and other kinds of relationships.
So look for that, one of those maybe three things, an opportunity for personal growth, who can you be present with and how, and then how can we share tough times together as a community so that we all grow and we face this reality of life and do it with courage as we lead well.
Image Sources: http://images.sodahead.com
Leadership Lessons from the Iron Lady
Posted by Dr. Bill Donahue in Business, community, Leadership on April 8, 2013
I was saddened to hear of the passing of former Prime Minister of England, Margaret Thatcher. We need more leaders like Margaret – both men and women. Listen to her speeches and look at what she accomplished and there is much there to inspire any leader.
The following is a list of 5 leadership lessons from the Iron Lady.
1) Be willing to do what others say cannot be done. She turned an economy around by throwing out the heavily socialist policies and practices in a system controlled by oppressive unions and special interest money-grubbers. Garbage piled high in the streets and Britain limped along. And then came Margaret: bold and willing to tackle the impossible. She removed business subsidies from the government in favor of more free markets, causing high unemployment at first. And she took a lot of heat.
2) Never let your current status define your future progress. Or as some say, never let your label determine your level. Many looked down on her because she was a woman, and others because she was outspoken (not highbrow enough for some of the Downtown Abbey types of her day.) Politics was really not a woman’s place. Until Margaret showed up.
3) Speak the truth – especially the harsh realities. When I hear the spin that comes through so many media outlets today it is a wonder we can find the truth after all the massaging done to the message. Margaret was savvy, to be sure. But when it was time to speak and let the chips fall, she did. And many did not like it. But it changed the world, especially when confronting communism and facing the financial depression of her day.
4) Do what’s right – there will be a cost. When she led the British to invade the Falklands, it was highly criticized. But it was a gutsy move and her popularity (low at the time) got a huge boost after she defended her countrymen and she won a landslide re-election. Later however, when she tried to impose a poll tax, it hurt her and she was drummed out of office by her own party. Some things never change. But she never let political opinions define her. She was her own woman. http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/08/world/europe/uk-margaret-thatcher-dead/index.html?hpt=hp_t1
5) Be graceful in defeat, charitable in victory, but always grounded in principle. You win some and lose some. But stick to your principles: integrity, courage, serving the people, finding your own voice, and facing criticism with tact.
Margaret Thatcher, the Iron Lady – a nickname the communists respectfully gave her after her 1976 speech – helped bring down the Iron Curtain. Her determination and resolve were a reflection of her greatness, and her grace and wit were expressions of her poise and humility. Yes, she had her moments – some found her a bit arrogant later, allowing her smashing success go to her head. Perhaps so. Few leaders seem to avoid that hubris.
But despite her flaws – the kind we see in ourselves and in all leaders – we can celebrate her character, leadership and courageous will to do the right thing. Even in the midst of great opposition, including a terrorist attack on her life.
Margaret – may your tribe increase. We can learn much from your leadership today, especially in politics, church and business. We need more leaders like you. I want to be more like you.
So while some of us fantasize about having The Iron Man on our team, I’ll take The Iron Lady any day of the week.
Image Sources: via http://www.cnn.com
By Oli Scarff (GETTY Images)
Leading through Change and Chaos
Posted by Dr. Bill Donahue in Business, Leadership on April 5, 2013
Leading through Change and Chaos – Graph Detail
Referred to in Video
Leading through Change and Chaos – Transcribed
Hey talking today about the tension leaders face in managing chaos in change. Both of those things are inherent in any group or team or organization that’s moving forward to accomplish its mission.
If you’re looking to create high change in other words new initiatives, new risks, new vision you’re looking for Entrepreneurial Leaders.
If you look on the diagram that accompanies this video you’ll see I put them in the upper left-hand corner. Because they are high change-oriented people and really don’t like a lot of chaos. They create a lot of chaos but they don’t thrive in the chaos because there are too many details flying around and sort of stall them. But they love change, they love the new initiative. They love a blank sheet of paper to try the new sales territory, to create a new product, to think of the new ministry initiative if you’re in ministry work. These are people that say,” Hey, go out and try this or explore this or give us some fresh ideas of thinking in that area,” so entrepreneurial leadership is essential to push change forward.
At the opposite corner the lower right you’ll see Managerial type Leader.
Managerial leaders are needed to manage the chaos created by the entrepreneurial types. They bring structure, order, some systems in place, management kinds of initiatives needed. They sort of bring some control to the chaos that’s been created. You don’t want to stifle change but the chaos that gets created can really disrupt an organization if not dealt with over time. It can wear people down and it can create some pretty crazy environments as you know. So as you start to create new initiatives you say what structures need to be brought into that to make sure that initiative continues to move forward, so managerial leaders are great for that.
If you look at the lower left-hand corner you’re looking at someone I would call a Stabilizer type of Leader or that kind of style.
In ministry work people call this the shepherding or the pastoral style of leadership, it’s low chaos, low change. These people are best, and they are leaders, but they’re best at bringing stability to an organization or to a team or to a group. They put some systems in place, they make sure the vision is being carried out appropriately; they hold dear the values of an organization and make sure those things aren’t compromised as you create new change and as you manage the chaos. Often areas of accounting, finance, maybe HR but these are areas that bring some stability to an organization or group when they have to be led well.
The fourth one in the upper right-hand corner would be the Strategist who has to bring tension or manage the tension between the chaos and the change, make decisions about how resources are allocated to foster the change or the new initiative, but also has to know what needs to be managed and who needs to be managing it.
So the strategic leaders are directional type leader saying okay where do we invest what we have into what areas, we want to keep things moving forward but we want to make sure we make the right decisions and put the right strategies in place.
So as you manage chaos and change think, “What kind of leadership style do we need for what areas or group or organization, and what kind of leadership style do I have that contributes to forwarding the mission where I work?”
Leading for the Long Haul
Posted by Dr. Bill Donahue in Business, Leadership on April 1, 2013
Leading for the Long Haul – Transcribed
I want to talk to you today about staying power in leadership or … resiliency.
How do we stay healthy while leading for the long haul?
Well this is a topic we continue to need to pay attention as leaders because the pressures that we face. Whether you’re leading students as a teacher whether you’re leading groups or teams, you’re a CEO, you’re a pastor, whatever, it doesn’t matter resiliency is critical to long-term effectiveness. I recently was talking with some leaders about some research that they’re still in the midst of and still refining but it was primarily with non-profit leaders and church leaders but as we looked at it we realized it applied to not only all leaders but to all people. So I’m going to talk about six areas that were emerging from that study that they’re in the midst of that they are discovering that if you don’t pay attention to these you can really get into trouble.
The first one was just personal growth your own formation, your own development, your own sense of character formation.
Leaders need to pay attention to what’s happening in our souls, are we centered, are we clear, do we know what we believe and why, do we pay attention to those areas of weakness, are we aware of some things about us that kind of bump up against others and so that we’re cautious and were careful about how we relate how we talk which is paying attention to character. That was number one.
Number two is self-care.
The idea that we don’t eat well, we don’t sleep enough, we don’t exercise enough, we don’t control sort of our boundaries in our margin in our life and that the self-care issue is one of the main ones that seems to emerge for leaders and people in particular. Busy, crazy lifestyles keep us from the appropriate care. I’m doing this from home cuz I’m taking actually about four or five days off right now. I’m getting ready to I’m getting ready in couple hours to hop onto a plane for some vacation time with my family. So I’m looking forward to a little self-care time it’s essential as a person and as a leader.
Another one is emotional intelligence.
I know it’s a phrase kicked around a lot. Maybe Intelligent intelligence isn’t the best word sometimes but it’s paying attention to relationships and emotional health, how we deal with anger, how we deal with fear, how we deal with loss in our life, broken relationships that affect us, are paying attention to those things. And are we paying attention on how we relate to people on our team and in the marketplace or the church or wherever we work? Are we emotionally savvy are we relationally savvy with others?
Forth one was cultural intelligence.
Knowing what’s going on around us, knowing the issues that are shaping our world, knowing the issues that are shaping the context in which we work? What’s the culture of like, what are the ethical and moral issues, where are the trends, what are the things we need to be paying attention to as we understand that were engaging culture at all times. We’re either trying to sell something to the culture, trying to learn something from the culture and sometimes we operate in a vacuum and can’t do that.
The fifth one was marriage and family, paying attention to those close dear relationships in our lives.
Neglected marriage and family a main, main killer of leaders and people in general and will wear you down if that’s not healthy and keep you from being a resilient leader.
And number six was just leadership and management skills.
Particularly those in the non-profit area sometimes lead with passion but not with leadership savvy and skills. So we need to be managers of our teams and our organizations, know how to do that well and have the skills necessary to do it and we need to be able to lead effectively not just believe in what we’re doing that have good leadership skills.
So look at those six areas and see … Where is that I need some growth? What do I need to pay attention to? Jot em down on a list and look at them frequently because they will help you stay in the game for the long haul.
Surrender vs. Submission – We Have a Choice
Posted by Dr. Bill Donahue in community, relationships on March 28, 2013
When we think of Good Friday and Easter we often think of what it means to “give it all” as Jesus did. We talk of surrender and submission to God’s will. But they are not the same thing.
In The Importance of Being Foolish, Brennan Manning says:
But there is an essential difference between submission and surrender. The former is the conscious acceptance of reality. There is a superficial yielding, but tension continues…It is halfhearted acceptance. It is described by words such as resignation, compliance, acknowledgement, concession. There remains a feeling of reservation, a tug in the direction of non-acceptance.
Surrender, on the other hand, is the moment when my forces of resistance cease to function, when I cannot help but respond to the call of the Spirit. The ability to surrender is a gift of God. However eagerly we may desire it, however diligently we may strive to acquire it, surrender cannot be attained by personal endeavor.
Another person put it this way:
When we submit, we “give in,” keeping the focus on ourselves. When we surrender, we “give up,” putting the focus where it belongs: on God.
Jesus decided to go beyond submission to the reality He was facing – He surrendered full to the Father. To put everything into His hands.
I wonder if I could ever fully surrender and let God have His way. Sometimes we sing about it – “I surrender all…” – and I know it is easy to surrender my all in a church service. It’s when Monday comes, or when we get the phone call, or someone gets the job after we went through 4 interviews, or when they say, “We need to do some more tests.”
Oswald Chambers, in the daily devotional My Utmost for His Highest on March 8 of this year asks,
Are we willing to surrender our grasp on all that we possess, our desires, and everything else in our lives? Are we ready to be identified with the death of Jesus Christ?
I would like to say yes. Indeed, in my heart, I do. But I need others to help spur me on, and I need to lean fully into grace if there is any chance at all.
So I leave you with these words from Chambers:
If you are faced with the question of whether or not to surrender, make a determination to go on through the crisis, surrendering all that you have and all that you are to Him. And God will then equip you to do all that He requires of you.
What more can we do? It is the only way toward true freedom. Resurrection Day freedom.
Groups Where Grace is in Place
Posted by Dr. Bill Donahue in community, Group Life, relationships on March 26, 2013
“It was my first time attending the group meeting, but I have to admit it, it felt more like a job interview.
I was thinking, ‘Do these people like me? Do I like them? What if they really knew me? Would they invite me back? Would I trust my secrets to them — and would they be authentic and tell me their stories?’ It was awkward and I felt judged. I want to be accepted, not analyzed; loved, not labeled.” Not cool.
This time of year affords many opportunities to welcome them home. Jean Vanier in Community and Growth reminds us, “A loving community is attractive, and a community which is attractive is by definition welcoming. Life brings new life.”
But will unconnected members and inquisitive seekers find a home in your little community? Will they feel like Roger in my group, who said, “I am here because even though I do not believe what you all believe, you make me feel like I belong?”
Some group environments communicate “Come in, kick off your shoes, and let’s hang out for awhile” while others warn, “If you meet the conditions and prove yourself to be worthy, maybe we’ll include you. But be careful … we’re watching.” The one factor that distinguishes the two environments is grace. It affects the ecology of the entire group, shaping the environment for everyone who sits in the circle. Sadly, we often affirm the reality of saving grace, but ignore sanctifying grace, the kind essential for all communal life to flourish. For some reason — whether fear, uncertainty, or the messiness of group life — we revert to rules and regulations, conformity and condemnation. It may be subtle — but it’s there. Not cool. Actually, it’s deadly.
What does it look like in a group? Grace speaks and receives truth without judgment. Grace brings resources to sinful and broken people, offering help and support. Grace creates safety that prompts healthy confession. Grace shouts, “I am broken, but I am loved!” When grace is in place, members of the group are “for” one another. New members feel welcomed and existing members willingly put personal agendas aside to accommodate the needs of others.
Here’s a caution. You may fail in the attempt to move from fear to freedom. People will struggle wondering, “When do I bite my tongue, and when do I speak the hard truth? When are we going to confront Mike? Or do we allow him to experience the consequences of his action, and love him along the way? Is Sarah convinced that we really do love her? That we will never hurt her as others have done? Can we fight and still meet for dinner after a meeting? Do we know how to distinguish “it’s bad” from “you’re bad?” The answer to all of these questions is a resounding, “I have no clue.” That’s not how grace works — it’s more art than a science.
Begin with the courage to name reality: “I see … I hear … I feel …” And them respond — that’s where grace is — in the response to shared reality and truth. Guard the messy moments when a heart opens up, when a confidence is shared, when a sin is confessed, when a dream is expressed, or when a wound is exposed. Do not be intimidated. Enter the sanctity of those moments with a holy fear and wondrous awe. Don’t run — God is in the middle of that burning bush.
As a friend of mine said, “People don’t want to join your strategy; they want to join your community.” And they will — if grace is in place. If not, the fullness of life in Christ will never be realized, hopes and fears will never surface, and prodigals will never come fully home. Law always produces death. But when grace is in place, stand back. The sweeping wind of the Spirit is likely to blow, and it may knock you off your feet. And that is cool. Very, very cool.
Four Marks of Authentic Community
Posted by Dr. Bill Donahue in Business, community, Group Life, Leadership, relationships on March 21, 2013
While I’m in the process of teaching a class on what is authentic Christian community and we focus on four marks of authentic community, of that the first is to know and be known. I call this storytelling, some people would call it self- disclosure but the idea is to open up my life to you as you open up your life to me. You know we have a deep desire to be known and to know others but things stand in the way, there are barriers.
Four Marks of Authentic Community – Transcribed
While I’m in the process of teaching a class on what is authentic Christian community and we focus on four marks of authentic community, of that the first is to know and be known. I call this storytelling, some people would call it self- disclosure but the idea is to open up my life to you as you open up your life to me. You know we have a deep desire to be known and to know others but things stand in the way, there are barriers.
It’s usually fear, fear being misunderstood, fear of being shamed that my story isn’t valuable to you or maybe I’d bring some hurts and wounds from the past and you can’t accept them or when you hear about those you say, “Whoa, what is that about you?” so I’m worried that you’ll judge me, maybe I’ve had bad experiences in relationships in the past. So lots of fears or barriers might stand in the way but our deep desire is to be known and to tell a story to others and to hear their stories so that we can know them better. So carve out a place and some time to know and be known whether it’s on your team or in your small group or whatever. That idea that we need to carve out a place and whether it’s in a group setting or at a meal or an extended time together at a retreat but we need a place and then we need some time together. Community doesn’t happen quickly and so if we can devote some extended time to telling our stories and getting to know each other it’s a big step to building community.
A second of one is to love and be loved, to express love and receive love. Gary Chapman in The Five Love Languages book, years ago picked five areas we can do that in. With words, because some people are words people they need to hear or see in writing that you care about them, that you appreciate them. Some people are touched people, they need a hug or handshake or you know, that punch in the arm or something but that the touch is important that says I connect with you, I care about you and I know you care about me. For some it’s gifts, actual tangible things, “Hey, here’s a book I want to lend to you” or “I heard this great music on this CD I want to give you” or maybe you were traveling and you said “Hey I thought you while I was traveling and I picked up this little object here this token of my appreciation for who you are” that little iconic sort of thing represents your affection for them and that gift is something they can look at it see if they feel cared for. Service is another one, just doing acts of service, serving others, doing the little things to encourage them and lift them up, do chores for them do the hard things in their life for them, help them with their taxes or whatever. And then finally time, just spending time together is another way to say “Hey, I care about you I love you, I’m glad you’re in my life.
A third one is to serve in the served. To use our gifts, abilities and talents for the sake of others in our group and outside of our group in the world around us and to be served by people to let them serve us appropriately. That exchange builds a sense of bonding and encouragement and oneness. And then finally to celebrate and be celebrated, everybody loves to be affirmed and encouraged.
I have to think today, how can I affirm and celebrate and encourage others in my group, on my team, in my world? So, take some time to know and be known. Think of some ways to express love and receive it. Find some aspects of your talents, gifts and abilities that you can share with others and serve them and be served by them. And then be thinking… “How can I encourage someone today, how can I build them up by celebrating who they are and allowing myself to be celebrated by them as they do the same for me?”
We’re All in Rehab
Posted by Dr. Bill Donahue in community, relationships, Vision on March 15, 2013
We’re All in Rehab (So a little grace goes a long way)
Like many of you we’ve had our share of challenges the last few months. To give you perspective, we are sending our Christmas letter just in time for St. Patrick’s Day. The week before Christmas my wife had a serious fall, broke her leg and damaged some ligaments. This was followed by 2 injuries to my basketball-playing daughter, a junior in high school. Not to be outdone, I followed with a back injury, and my 83-year old mother who lives up the road rose to the occasion by having some health challenges.
In January our living room was filled with walkers, icepacks, ace-bandages, crutches, and a motorized scooter. It looked like a rehab center on steroids. But it gets better – this past week my wife and daughter were in a car wreck on an icy hill. Thankfully they’re fine, but it was a traumatic event fraught with great potential for disastrous results.
Initially, I did not see the rapid-fire stream of text messages popping on my phone – I was teaching a class. But soon I saw the screen flashing, and what I read was terrifying. Dad!!! Accident!!! Please call!! DAD!!!!! Help! !!!! Call us now!!! Immediately I got hold of my wife and discovered all were Ok.
I left my university office after dealing with the aftermath of the accident, and stopped at our little coffee shop before leaving campus. “Hi, Dr. Donahue, how may I help you?” the student-attendant asked warmly. “Just a cup of coffee. What do I owe you?”
“Nothing,” she replied with a wry smile. “It’s your luck day.” Really? You’re kidding me. Please…my family doesn’t need any more ‘luck.’
I smiled gently back as if to say, “Dear child, you have no idea how wrong you are.”
“No…really. It’s perfect timing. The graduate student who was just here said, ‘I’m buying coffee for the next person who walks up here. Just tell them to have a great day and enjoy the coffee.’”
I had come to the shop looking for a little caffeine; instead I got a double-shot Venti cup of grace. More than what I needed. Much more than I deserved.
Now I really smiled, and she was beaming with joy. She was getting such a kick out of my response, just standing there, a sense of wonder and irony filling my soul…ambushed by grace. She had no idea what was happening but she was pleased with the joy that filled the room along with the aroma of a free coffee.
And, as though that wasn’t enough, I was graced once more as I left the building. The university is not very far from Lake Michigan, and a light, gentle snow was falling. Lake effect snow that can come briefly when the cool winter air meets the moisture off the water.
It was a slow, quiet snowfall. Large, floating flakes that calmly drifted toward the earth. Not a sound was heard as I walked to my car through the forested area that surrounds the parking lot. Quiet, still, peaceful, restful, beautiful.
And there, in the quiet, I heard the Voice…the still, small Voice. No one heard it but me. Because it was just for me. The Voice compelled me to see a reality that was greater than my circumstances. The grace of God was coming resting upon me like the steady, beautiful snow, blanketing my sorrow, worry and fear with joy, peace and hope.
It was as though God said,
Bill…learn from this snow and experience my goodness and favor. Feel it as it rests on your head and lands refreshingly on your tongue. This is my grace on you.
To be sure, at times I pour it out in one thunderous heap that buries you in love and healing in times of extreme trial and suffering; but this time, there is no grace blizzard in the forecast. This time it comes as a gentle but relentless shroud of comfort, wrapping around your frustrated self and weary heart.
Your steady flow of life’s challenges is now met by My steady flow of grace. Like a small cup of free coffee, or a gentle, quiet snowfall, enjoy the little gifts of grace I am providing for the journey.
And remember…My grace is always sufficient for you.
I needed that. I really needed that.
You see we are all in Rehab. We are all hobbling around on the crutches of uncertainty, anger, fear, loneliness and grief. And we all need grace. Lot’s of it, we assume.
That’s ok. There’s plenty to go around…there’s no shortage of supply…no lack of spiritual resources.
But the good news is we only need a little.
Because a little grace can go a long way.
We would like to encourage your feedback as it helps us to identify the issues that are important to you. It also helps others who are searching to develop new creative ways of leading. Thank you in advance for your comments.
Leadership Transitions – 4 Realities to Navigate
Posted by Dr. Bill Donahue in Business, Leadership on March 15, 2013
I’d like to talk to you today about leadership transitions.
Leadership Transitions – 4 Realities to Navigate - Transcribed
I’d like to talk to you today about leadership transitions. Even as I speak three major ones have taken place in my world and in our world even in the last two weeks. We have had a president of our university announced his resignation, a transition that will be happening in leadership up here. The second one is a global and huge one and that is the election of a new pope which is a great and huge transition for the Roman Catholic Church. And finally, a friend of mine just moved from one nonprofit organization that’s quite substantive to leading an even larger global nonprofit organization and is in the process of that transition. Transitions happen and there are things that affect us, affect our teams, affect our groups, and affect our leadership. So I’ll make a few comments about this and then I’d like to do a little more writing and blogging about this over the perhaps weeks and months ahead from time to time because I think it’s such a huge and essential area to understand in your leadership.
First of all transitions our normal they occur in everyday life both in family and in relationships as well of course in organizations and institutions and that’s the first thing for leaders to do is name that reality that this transition is normal. It’s not odd it’s going to happen again at some point in time so let’s learn from it now. I’ve learned a lot from William Bridges in his book Transitions, Making Sense of Life’s Changes. Bridges advocates kind of a process through which transitions go and that sort of my second team it’s not just that they are normal, they have sort of a pattern to them and they have an ending, a period of uncertainty and a new beginning. That’s how Bridges describes it. There’s this sense of what is the ending how do we process that what is this transition time of awkwardness that he calls the neutral zone and then what about going into the future into the new beginning? Sometimes these things overlap sometimes there’s great distance between the ending and the new beginning. The point is to recognize that there’s a pattern to change and transitions. So let’s process ending’s well, do the relational work we need to do, make sure things are closed out, let’s not leave a lot of loose cannons. Make sure things are as best as we can leave them as we leave and not leave things in a mess, it’s really awkward in an organizational when a leader just takes off and leaves a mess behind. To have integrity in this is the process the ending well but also to live in the ambiguity of the uncertainty before the new fully gets functioning. It’s an awkward time so we need a name that reality as well.
Another thing about transitions is they can be highly emotional in an organization or relationship. That can create anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment and some people don’t understand why the leader is leaving even if it’s for great and legitimate reasons. Sometimes a leader leaves under darker circumstances that create a lot. Sometimes it’s a very positive change even for the leader but that’s emotional too even the joy and the enthusiasm can create some awkwardness. So it’s important for you to allow your people or people in the process to process the emotion, journal it down, create a meeting or retreat or environment to sort of get things off your chest. Don’t ignore the emotional components, don’t try to stuff all that, you’ll just simply create tension in the organization that you do not need.
And finally, when transitions are processed well they’re great times for personal growth and change even though it doesn’t feel that way in the moment. Those periods of ambiguity and frustration challenge our leadership. We are required to step forward. Just talked to a friend yesterday where a leader was leaving a small organization. His comment was, “Everyone in the organization has stepped up to a new level to make that organization work well until the next leader comes in. I think that’s healthy, we get new responsibilities we take new ownership. So if we process transitions well we can learn from them, grow in them and help our groups, our institutions, our teams function more effectively.
Even as I speak three major ones have taken place in my world and in our world even in the last two weeks. We have had a president of our university announced his resignation, a transition that will be happening in leadership up here. The second one is a global and huge one and that is the election of a new pope which is a great and huge transition for the Roman Catholic Church. And finally, a friend of mine just moved from one nonprofit organization that’s quite substantive to leading an even larger global nonprofit organization and is in the process of that transition. Transitions happen and there are things that affect us, affect our teams, affect our groups, and affect our leadership. So I’ll make a few comments about this and then I’d like to do a little more writing and blogging about this over the perhaps weeks and months ahead from time to time because I think it’s such a huge and essential area to understand in your leadership.
First of all transitions our normal they occur in everyday life both in family and in relationships as well of course in organizations and institutions and that’s the first thing for leaders to do is name that reality that this transition is normal. It’s not odd it’s going to happen again at some point in time so let’s learn from it now. I’ve learned a lot from William Bridges in his book Transitions, Making Sense of Life’s Changes. Bridges advocates kind of a process through which transitions go and that sort of my second team it’s not just that they are normal they have sort of a pattern to them and they have an ending, a period of uncertainty and a new beginning. That’s how Bridges describes it. There’s this sense of what is the ending how do we process that what is this transition time of awkwardness that he calls the neutral zone and then what about going into the future into the new beginning? Sometimes these things overlap sometimes there’s great distance between the ending and the new beginning. The point is to recognize that there’s a pattern to change and transitions. So let’s process ending’s well, do the relational work we need to do, make sure things are closed out, let’s not leave a lot of loose cannons. Make sure things are as best as we can leave them as we leave and not leave things in a mess, it’s really awkward in an organizational when a leader just takes off and leaves a mess behind. To have integrity in this is the process the ending well but also to live in the ambiguity of the uncertainty before the new fully gets functioning. It’s an awkward time so we need a name that reality as well.
Another thing about transitions is they can be highly emotional in an organization or relationship. That can create anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment and some people don’t understand why the leader is leaving even if it’s for great and legitimate reasons. Sometimes a leader leaves under darker circumstances that create a lot. Sometimes it’s a very positive change even for the leader but that’s emotional too even the joy and the enthusiasm can create some awkwardness. So it’s important for you to allow your people or people in the process to process the emotion, journal it down, create a meeting or retreat or environment to sort of get things off your chest. Don’t ignore the emotional components, don’t try to stuff all that, you’ll just simply create tension in the organization that you do not need.
And finally, when transitions are processed well they’re great times for personal growth and change even though it doesn’t feel that way in the moment. Those periods of ambiguity and frustration challenge our leadership. We are required to step forward. Just talked to a friend yesterday where a leader was leaving a small organization. His comment was, “Everyone in the organization has stepped up to a new level to make that organization work well until the next leader comes in. I think that’s healthy, we get new responsibilities we take new ownership. So if we process transitions well we can learn from them, grow in them and help our groups, our institutions, our teams function more effectively.
We would like to encourage your feedback as it helps us to identify the issues that are important to you. It also helps others who are searching to develop new creative ways of leading. Thank you in advance for your comments.
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